These people, some blood and some not make me feel worthless. I let these people convince me that I am less than. I let these people break my heart. Pizza, cheetos, lots of booze, crap by the shovel ful.
I have ALWAYS believed everything everyone tells me. I am
Cue my sassy little daughter. This kid is freaking awesome. She regularly says, I don't need a daddy because my mommy can do anything your daddy can do. She is beautiful and so very smart. She says exactly what she thinks, how she thinks it, no matter how it makes you feel. If you aren't doing right she will tell you. What I love about her the most is she refuses, absolutely refuses to take anyone's crap. She doesn't back down and she doesn't quit.
"Mommy, how come you tell me to never give up something I want and you keep giving up your diet? You give up on yourself."
A truth that cuts me to the bone. Something so simple and I don't think a truer statement has been made.
I cried for a long time in the shower. Everything crashes down this time of year for me. Twins birthday, anniversary of the hubs death, his birthday, fathers day, what would have been mine and the ex's anniversary...I cried for the life I could have had if he lived and for what will happen to my kids if I don't. Mainly I cried because I let my daughter down. She has had more than her share of disappointment in her short life. I cried because I am embarrassed.
What I think is even more important that my daughter knowing to never give up on herself, my daughter knowing that when you get knocked down and you don't think that you have it in you to stand up one last time...that is when you most have to get up. It's the size of fight in the dog.
You are a freakin rockstar! I don't know how you do it, raising 3 children on your own. But you get it done and it may not be perfect everyday but who is? What person's life is ever? Your husband would be proud of you! Remember that! So would sticking to your diet. Live life as though he is right there by your side. Because he is. He lives in your children and sees you through them. Make him proud of you. Find that feeling inside of you that makes you not give up, that doesn't let you quit and if that means getting rid of people in your life that bring you down then so be it. I come from a very large family. A very large, know it all, up in your business, judgey, gossipy, bitchy family so when I decided that I had enough, I stepped away...and it was the best thing I ever did for myself & for my family. You have to do what is best for you and yours. Dont let anyone break you. Love you!
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